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Oh Werd!

Like all good addictions the medical profession spend their entire lives working to correct, I have no idea how any of this started. I picture myself as an eight year old child stumbling through an alley way amongst thieves, hookers and deviants. A bearded man stops me – this is the reason they invented mace, the ‘stranger = danger’ campaign and the tooth brush. His teeth like cigarette butts are lost amongst a sea of genital like hair, which disturbingly resides on his face.

‘Hey kid, ever tried word?’ he asks.

‘errrrmmmm, What’s word?’ I reply, as I slowly realise this guy is neither my mum nor my dad.

‘Microsoft Word – Makes you feel like you’re floating on the clouds!’

I woke up three days later – pupils like two 20 cent pieces. I was an eight year old Keith Richards.

The truth is there were no thieves, hookers or deviants. I didn’t float on the clouds and I wasn’t dealt word as if it were a drug from a bearded man, rather my third grade teacher – for those of you whom are curious, yes she too had a beard.

But from my perspective, a child raised within the 21st century – Microsoft Word has more in common with drugs then you would ever like to admit. Its endemic nature covers our society like a fire blanket – those who do not ‘use’ it are still aware of what Microsoft Word is. This is reinforced by the education system...ironically; we learn Computer Literacy and the danger of drugs.

Its files are constantly circulated and delivered from one person to another and are dealt through email and other such new communication technologies, rather than some car park in Beenleigh.

The addicts, those who cannot remember life without it, cannot survive without it...those with technological dependency – They check into rehab, they take the 12 step handwriting program yet relapse on the genius of ‘Spell Check’.

This parallel between both drugs and Microsoft word doesn’t stop there. Our very own government is attempting a program to allow each student at school the right to have his or her own computer. This means virtually every house in Australian society will have its own addictive version of Microsoft Word courtesy of the government.

Hmm...Now if I lived in America I would be asking ‘Does the government get these all ‘computers’ from Columbia?’